moving backwards.... Seek & Hide

When I think back at how this journey began, I can't help but to laugh at myself.  The possibilities of going to Africa were enormous, huge, the first step of what I knew would be SO much more.  Not sure what the more is? just know God has something more in store for myself and James.

I laugh because going to Africa is just a given, I am just waiting on the call.  I couldn't say that in September, I  searched it as if I  would be going to Africa to bring home my child.  In my heart, it was much bigger than what it is, it wasn't just about being a travel partner.

So I started seeking some answers.  Shots, passports, costs, my job... my family.   I would need a slew of shots, that I was told would not be covered under insurance, estimated cost, $1000.  I would need a passport, total cost $200.00, plane ticket-estimated $1500, time off work.  Estimated cost of trip:  $3600

Another huge concern for me going on this trip was and is my health.  I said in the begininning, I would be real in writing this blog.  So, I might not say this out loud or ever share it with you again but for this purpose I will share.  Most days, I don't feel good.  It is part of who I am now and I just roll with it but from time to time I have flare ups and no matter how hard I try to overcome them, they overcome me.  

To describe it best I would say my body always feels like I have the flu.  Sore to the touch~bruised like, achey joints, no energy.  PLEASE understand, I don't tell you this to have you pitty me or think I've given up.  It's quite the opposite.  I don't allow conditions to control the outcome of my day, I push through it and have learned to manage it, mostly now without meds.  

I have also learned that when I push through too much, too often, I can't control the outcome.  My body shuts down for a few days, usually with some type of medical condition.  This concerns James, therefore it concerns me.  I don't want to go half way around the world to serve, be Jesus' hands and feet, and not be able to physically use them. 

Considering cost, my body and all the what if's... I have to believe this is me wanting what I want and it's time  to let this  go.  Afterall, I could use that money for sooo many things we want for our house.

Questions? Answers. The Truth!

I'm always amazed when I "know" the answer to the question.  I mean as sure as I live and breathe, I know that is exactly what my future will hold.   I may not know the details or even the question, but I know the ANSWER.

My mind raced the whole drive home from Gatlinburg.  I love to process while listening to my favorite praise and worship music.  I had brought a lot of cd's with me for the trip ( I have to get with it and get an ipod), I put one in and just meditated.   IF you know Retta, you know she is never quite (love you), but the rain soothed her to sleep and I had the whole drive home... inside my head .   Listening to the powerful words of Mercy Me, Undone. 

The next day I decided to send Gwen an e-mail with a few simple questions.  I didn't want to put a limitation or expectation on a "calling."  My personality is one to say YES!  I will figure out the details later.  Sometimes, my yes leaves me wandering if my excitement takes over reasoning.. was my desire of God or emotion?  is this a passion or a tantrum-I want what I want and I will get it-?

As of this day, I had asked no yes or no questions of James, only shared my thoughts and possibilities and he listened and let me process out loud (thank you James for not shutting me down).

My prayer:   Father God,  I come before you the creator of the universe~ the creator of my heart, my soul, my desires and my destiny.  Please father, I need clear direction.  I need my answer to be so clear, that no matter how many ways I ask the question the answer~the truth~ remains the same.  Father, with that I need to know what question to ask?????

John 14:6  "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"

Sunday September 20, 2009

This was a wonderful weekend.  I had traveled to Gatlinburg to attend a woman's retreat where my dear friend Tina Hutchison was the speaker.  The event was powerful and I left there knowing God was calling me to something huge.  If you have a women's event to plan at your church I highly recommend her, God has truly equipped Tina to lead his people.

I had made this trip with a dear friend of mine, her name is Loretta.  We had decided to stay an extra day in Gatlinburg, we both could use the rest and time of just laughing and sharing our hearts.  Life can be crazy and sometimes you just need good ole girl time. 

I share a lot of things with Loretta, she knows my family intimately and she is a spiritual mentor and friend.  I shared with her that I felt God was calling James and I to "more."  He and I both feel their is much more to our lives.  I had shared with her a comment that James has said 10 days earlier.

To give you a little insight, we attend a church that has a heart for adoption.  We have been blessed to see many families walk through the journey of the adoption process.   We have lots of little ones in our church that truly are miracles and it does something to my heart.

James and I were discussing a family who were fixing to travel to go and get their forever son.  How excited this couple was.  James said to me "Maybe I should be going to get a little boy."  10 little words! Spoken from another room.  I didn't say a word ~didn't acknowledge it audibly or visually, no reaction. Silence.  The moment, the conversation was over as quick as it happened. 

You know how women never forget.... well my mind hadn't stopped processing those 10 little words, at all.  Were those words from God? or me just turning something into nothing.....   I shared all this with Loretta over the weekend.

Sunday morning we were fixing to leave Gatlinburg but decided to take a small little ride into the mountain.  What better place to connect with God than in his beautiful creation.  We were on a peaceful tranquil drive, listening to worship music and just taking in the vibrant colors when the phone rang.  It was Gwen. 

Retta shared with Gwen this conversation or lack of conversation between me and James.  The whole time she is telling her I am questioning if i should have ever said anything at all.  I know their heart and passion regarding adopting and James and I .... well let's just say I can't see it happening.

It was then, Gwen asked Retta, if I was the person who should travel with her to Uganda to bring home Joseph and Daisy..... that is the moment my journey began....

From being hand~made to hand~delivered.... I am hand~picking you!

My friends,


The time has come and I can't even type this my hearts all a flutter. I will soon be leaving to travel to Uganda. The phone could ring today or next week (it's all in God's timing) and off I will go to travel with a dear friend.

My trip is to accomplish many things.... to see first hand a ministry and a girl name Katie (from TN), I have been reading her blog for a couple of years and it has literally changed my heart. I can't wait to go and "serve her" meet her 14 Ugandan daughters and the hundreds of children she feeds daily. Did I mention Katie is 20. http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

I will see first hand how her ministry works and changes lives. http://www.amazima.org/ I can't wait to use my hands and feet to carry out this mission work. To see projects being carried out, such as: Land Projects, Necklace Program, Community Gardens... so many, Please go check out these sites...

I will get to travel with my friend Gwen and see first hand how her ministry has come along side Katie and made the difference. http://www.147millionorphans.com/ and so overwhelmingly important I will get to assist Gwen in bringing home her forever children, Joseph and Daisy.

SOOOOOO as I said earlier I am so excited. NOW this is where you come in!!!!!! Go check out http://www.147millionorphans.com/ so you will see what I'm talking about....... We provide the materials to the Karamojong tribe, they hand make the necklaces.... which we buy from them.... giving them an income to support thier children.... we sell them to you.... taking the profits & donating it back to feed the hundreds of people in the Karamojong tribe..... It's a win, win!

The necklaces are beautiful!!! Think Mother's Day, Graduation, Teacher appreciaton, Wedding/Bridal gifts..... ONLY $18.00 each...... I PERSONALLY WILL HAND PICK YOUR NECKLACE & BRING IT HOME TO YOU....... did I tell you I'm excited........

 Gwen, Joseph & Daisy

"Where you lead me, I will follow"

I created this blog in 2007 and that's about it.... it has sat idle for so long, I forgot it existed.

I will be traveling to Africa in the near future.  In fact, I pray it will be in the next few weeks.  I am so excited that I can't even put it into words. I can tell you it involves a racing, happy heart and a smile that literally makes my jaws ache. 

I originally thought I would travel this past November, so it's safe to say that I have no control over the details.  I am completely okay with this.  I know this trip has been a divine appointment on my life's calendar since before I took my first breath.  I TRUST the timing, the details, the outcome... everything will be as it should.

I can't keep this journey to myself.  So that my friend is where this blog will come into play.  In essence this is now my journal, my diary, my testimony to the world ~ okay, I'll reel it back in, my friends and family~   This is my journey, this is my truth... I will be as real as I can be and remain obedient to my Savior in the process... I hope you'll come and follow me......   "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

Obviously I haven't done a very good job at creating this blogsite. I think I look at several that touch my soul and move my heart. I look at several that look so professional and the thoughts are so profound. Yikes~~ I'm just a smalltown girl with no particular story to tell.

Maybe the first step is to actually tell someone that I've started this little venture and see if anyone comes a calling. In the meantime, I'll try and learn how to make my site more inviting and reflect my life. Maybe I should ask my children~ they seem to know it all :O)

I have been reading blogs for many months. At times I feel as if I'm stalking people because I never comment back. I've often wondered how these people find the time to do this, then I realized that I spend just as much time reading other people's blog and could be writing my own.

We have family scattered around and I'm not good at keeping in touch. In fact, that is one of the main reasons I've decided to try this. What a wonderful way to send updates, pictures, prayer request, accomplishments... you name it.

Hopefully in time I will learn how to create a cool blog, as of right now I don't even know if I could post a picture :O) so hang with me, send me suggestions or critiques.